Kari Lloyd is a freelance writer who focuses on family and relationship issues for a variety of publications both on and offline. When dealing with infidelity issues, it’s extremely helpful to enlist the help of a relationship counselor to help guide you throught he healing process as a couple.
Relationship Breakdown: When To Look for Outside Help
Even the best relationships can hit rough patches, and it is important to understand when you should seek the assistance of a counselor to help get everything back on track. For example, if the two of you have been fighting non-stop for the past couple of weeks, you have probably hit a point where you need someone else to intervene and provide an emotionally safe place for discussing issues. It is definitely a good idea to take steps to resolve your problems together, but if these attempts simply lead to more arguments, you will need to take further action if you want to save the relationship.
Signs that Your Relationship Needs Outside Help
If either person in the relationship cheats but then wants to keep the relationship going, you should go to a counselor to help you work through the feelings of betrayal and shame that will begin to cloud everything. In some cases, a person who cheats does so as a response to issues within the relationship, so it is also important for both partners to speak openly about any problems that may have led to the infidelity.
2) Constant Arguments
Every couple argues, and having the occasional spat can actually be a useful tool for working through your differing opinions. However, if you have gotten to the point where everything starts a fight, you are probably going to need outside assistance to figure out why the two of you have become so caustic together. Keep in mind that many large fights are the result of something small that has been festering under the surface. In other words, if you can resolve the initial issue, you can get the relationship back on more solid ground.
3) Intentionally Inflicting Emotional Pain
One of the best things about being in a relationship is that the other person typically gets to know you better than anyone else on the planet. Unfortunately, this can also backfire if the two of you start having problems because your partner will know exactly what to say to cause you emotional distress. It is clear when this starts happening that the responsible party is lashing out over something that is bothering them, but it can be difficult to get to the root of the problem without utilizing the services of a professional counselor.
4) Lack of Intimacy
One of the first signs that a relationship is in trouble is when one of the partners stops being interested in sex for an extended period of time. It is normal for couples to have periods of time when they are more or less intimate, but if your partner has been making excuses to avoid sex for several weeks in a row, you should consider talking about the problem with a therapist. After all, a lack of intimacy can be indicative of other issues, and some people will not talk about the problem unless they feel like they are in a judgment free zone.
5) Sleeping in Different Rooms
If your partner has been sleeping in a different room more often than in your bed, this could mean that they are feeling emotionally distant. Your best bet is to ask them to talk about their feelings with you, but if they are unwilling or unable to open up, the two of you should get outside assistance to help you work through the problem.
Can a Counselor Really Help?
In most cases, a relationship begins to break down because one or both of the partners stop communicating. This verbal breakdown can be caused by a wide number of factors, but it does not have to lead to the end of your relationship. In fact, if you take the necessary steps to get everything back on track, you might even be able to strengthen your bond.
Working with a relationship counselor is often successful for couples because it provides both people a safe environment for discussing their issues and fears. However, unlike your home environment, you will not be allowed to yell at each other or say destructive things. If either partner attempts to go down this negative path, the counselor will intervene, and this can prevent the two of you from getting into a fight.
Although some relationships are simply not going to work, the majority of them can be fixed if both people are committed to doing so. After all, most of the longest marriages in history have included a lot of ups and downs, but these couples made the decision not to walk away when things got difficult. By taking the same approach, you can correct problems as they occur, and you can also build a relationship that has enough stability and trust to withstand almost anything. As long as the two of you agree to attend counseling if things get out of hand, you have a good chance of spending the rest of your lives together.