As others would define me, I was a high- spirited man of a jolly nature. I agreed with them. I loved being happy and spreading happiness around me. After all, that is our only support in this nerve-wrecking pace of life. However, I was unaware of God’s plan for me. I lost my wife in a car accident. My beloved, better half and best friend was gone, never to come back again.
Since the day she died till today, I haven’t spent a single day when I don’t think about her. She was everything to me. What is one expected to do when he loses his very reason of getting up every morning? I felt lost and detached from everyone. It felt as if it was all unreal, that someone would shake me from my sleep and I would narrate them my nightmare. I lost my appetite and my will power to move on with life. At the back of my head, I felt as if I was tied down with thousands of metal chains and couldn’t free myself from them. Like the after effects of a natural calamity are as appalling as the disaster itself, similarly, after effects of my personal disaster started kicking in. I suffered extremely low self esteem, pessimism and felt victimized. Even after sincere efforts I failed to get my confidence which made me feel lowly of myself. This made my friends and family worried about me. They arranged professional help for me.
After a few sessions and detailed study of my behavior, it was concluded that my low self esteem was the biggest threat for me, as it wasn’t letting me move on. Since I couldn’t bring myself to talk to people, I denied myself any chance to curb my loss. I was prescribed few exercises for eradicating the low level of my self esteem. A diary was given to me, in which I had to write whatever I felt during the day. This helped me in lightening the weight I carried in my heart. Plus, I was asked to talk in front of the mirror and sing out loud with the songs. Meeting new people and attending gatherings were encouraged. I was also enrolled in group therapy sessions so I could throw away the thought of being an outcast.
Losing one’s spouse is never easy, although, it should be accepted that he/she will have to move on someday. I suffered low self esteem because of which I found it difficult to move on and accept the reality. However, the support of my family and professional help helped in a great way to deal with my loss.